Saturday, January 19, 2008

homeless, adrift

twelve days now or is it eleven? i've got to find a place. certain of you might relish knowing i am considering moving back to the east bay...though i would still prefer to be here, mostly because it's easier to have a social life and check out all the fun things i wanted to move here for.

ti couz this morning, because i know my boss would be happy for me eating buckwheat crepes in the nature of inquisitiveness and so on.

I had so much coffee I was jittery and happy, and then so much food I only wanted a nap, which as not to happen. First a buckwheat crepe with caramelized onions, tomatoes and cheese, the buckwheat's old and woody flavor lost to me at least among the other ingredients. Then a sweet crepe with whipped cream I first suspected of being from a can (but it wasn't)! The sweet tang of nutella reminded me of an old dessert we used to do at Sonsie, one I always hated making...both in the production and in the plating of it.

How ridiculously lesbian it is to spend your brunch talking with the girl you used to date for like half a second about the other women she is seeing now, while also discussing with a friend in Boston (who used to like you, god, a million years ago) her fears about her date that afternoon?

Apartment hunting in Bayshore with the rest of the daylight, and then a nap, and then off to Arinell for some delicious pizza and a feeling of being elsewhere than San Francisco, and then lastly Ritual to take advantage of the internet before they closed.

Currently in the doghouse I have to stand on my bed and hold the computer in one hand in order to get internet. Every day I get headaches from either stress or dehydration or both, and our only form of heat is still a space heater so it seems I can be cold and hydrated or warm and meh and it takes so much energy to merely reckon with it all. I try to be all positive and one-door-closes about the whole situation but really I feel it's undeserved...I mean what have I done, for real? My dog is a good boy and I myself am mostly good though cranky in the mornings.

Still there are good things and I try to hold onto them, push the scary homelessness stuff aside enough to appreciate the rest of it all. Reconnecting with old friends

No comments: